We are all scared of death, and also of dementia. Both result in loss of our memory of our interaction with others during our lifetime. Our death or that of our relations/friends scares us. Dementia in our near and dear scares us too; for it alters the old relationship – its warmth and affection considerably. We have no choice, but to live with it. We are still far away from its cure.All that humanity has achieved so far is to reduce the rate of degradation of the memory. Hopefully we find its cure in the near future.
We are all scared of death.
We may pretend – we are not,
Still we will be happy if we can avoid it or delay it.
Death implies loss of memory of our life:
Interactions, activities, and acquisitions.
It scares us.
Death of a near and dear scares us, too
As we have an associated bank of nostalgic sweet and sour memories.
Death is a one step activity.
In one step, we lose:
Our relation/friend, or our assets – financial and infrastructural.
Dementia is a gradual process.
It may take years, to lose one’s memory, in totality.
The onslaught of dementia, alters the person significantly.
Ronald Regan had dementia, which his spouse faced bravely.
Where as, he might not be aware of, as to ‘what was going on’.
When you are interacting with your ‘dementia’ friend;
Your interaction isn’t on the expected lines.
It is a gradual loss of memory.
There is no cure.
We can just slow down the rate of memory loss.
A helper can anticipate the impact of memory loss, and take preventive measures.
* Working on gas in kitchen can be dangerous.
It needs monitoring.
* Handling cash, jewelry, or medicines may need a friendly helper.
The problem is:
A dementia-patient detests to be told, ‘what to do’.
A discussion with a dementia-patient is of no use, as its memory may be obliterated/forgotten immediately afterwards.
If our friend or relation develops dementia,
We are invariably unable to reconcile with the situation.
It is an irreversible phenomenon.
How to accept the situation?
Dementia versus Death
Dementia is less painful than death.
Our friend, sibling or parent is alive and in front of us.
But, we can’t interact the way we are used to.
The helper-spouse yearns for the good old days when they enjoyed mutual affection and warmth
Now, the helper spouse can only remember:
The good old days of warmth and affection,
Bask in the glory of old memories.
Be grateful to the dementia-friend,
By paying back for the good times spent together.
The helper-spouse must interact normally, without getting irritated,
And abide by God’s dictates, as His writ runs.
Humanity has to accept gratefully, His writ.
It could have been ‘death’ too.
All religions teach this.
Thank You! God!
4 decades of uninterrupted fun, warmth, shared life, with sweet and sour memories,
Followed by couple of years of dementia in spouse, which will continue.
I accept Your dictates, gratefully.
She has been:
A selfless, devoted spouse, mother, daughter, and sister,
A talented, humane Taurian: a successful entrepreneur – cookery classes, followed by a beauty clinic,
But now, dementia affects ‘current’ memory loss,
Thus incoherent deductions in conversation.
Its awareness creates reluctance in the dementia-patient:
To communicate or be enthusiastic participant in social communication.
The patient need to be coaxed to communicate.
If there is hostile past, with the helper spouse,
Life is a bigger challenge!
But God blesses, and the show carries on.
It is an opportunity, a challenge faced by human beings only.
They will face it, and have to win for humanity is on the top pedestal of evolution.